Li Is Not Me

or...

2004-11-03T14:17:00.000-05:00

maybe its all the migraine-killers i've been taking. forgot about those until they stopped killing and the migraine army decided on revenge.

you're just like an angel

2004-11-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

having a raiohead kind of day. not really in a bad way. may have to do with the whole sleeping with cnn on thing. also got some great work news-no more crying here. its a bit chilly and rained last night. and i spent an hour on the phone with a friend switching news programs to see how many different results we could get. seriously. every channel was different. i think 7 agreed with cbs. 2 was always way up. and 4 was in the middle. 5 likes commercials. i think all these have brought a calmness. maybe whatever i listened to this am made a difference also.

ah the cold. was going to wear skirts and boots lots this year. right now i am nursing a knee weirdness. my boots go well with knees that work. flats go well with those that don't, so i wore my skirt with flats the other day. no worries, i had fishnets.

my closet has become a bit of a surprise. besides the moving-and-not-really-knowing-where-stuff-is-yet thing and the weather change, i had gained, um, some, weight and was quite stubborn in the buying of new clothes. then i bought a few pairs of pants. so now i have all different sizes. but now i have joined weight watchers to try and lose the weight i gained and the weight i was already trying to take off. (although i go to the gym 5-6 times a week, i am not skinny in any way. i hate to diet because ive had an eating disorder and it makes me nervous to put actual restrictions on food into my head) so now i've lost 15 pounds. i have to sit in front of my closet and try on everything to see what fits. it is strange how two pairs of pants in the same size from the same store can fit so differently.

hopes for a happy and calm day go out to all.

Reasons Many Red Sox Fans Bug Me

2004-10-21T09:41:00.001-04:00

Besides that they won this series of course...and i will say that they played a good game and all, this is not about the game. these are all things i would have said either way.

okay....are we in nursery school? we deserve to win the world series because we haven't in a really long time. baseball isn't about taking turns, its about, well, baseball. the team that doesn't let that home run get hit, catches the ball correctly, etc goes on.
go to a bar in boston in yankees gear. get killed and drink no beer. go to a bar in new york in red sox gear, people are nice cause they feel bad for you. i know a girl in rhode island who was refused a SANDWICH at a deli for wearing a yankee hat. in rhode island. not during a game. come on people.
yankees are evil, but last night when the red sox won, yankee stadium played sinatra's new york, new york which is played after games the yankees win. classy gesture. never would be done in boston.
last defensive out, you are up by 7 with 2 guys on. change the pitcher? i know ya think you're cursed but the worst that happens is a home run. one out and 4 runs down. change the pitcher then. i'd still have hope, but then i always do.
is it helpful for the entire stadium to go dead when the other teams start winning? cause if boston's down a run you can hear a pin drop at fenway...
unless the other pitcher has a two syllable name you can whine at him. it was quite nice to see the yankee fans do it to pedro.

i guess i'll stop now. i am not saying that red sox fans don't have their yankee fan hating reasons. but these are some of mine.

congrats to the sox. GO ~~ASTROS~~ CARDS (I guess, I actually think they rock, but was pulling for Houston).

and i swear ill be back soon.

morning

2004-09-24T18:09:00.000-04:00

the other day i had a rough one. but i barely remember why anymore. because before i actually left the apartment it got terrible. no more ipod. it fell down. i hear all of these people crack their screens and the thing plays fun. nope. not mine. nothing. i found this difficult to deal with at 7:30am. i should have called in sick.

but i should have another new one soon. it seems that all the things i plan to do "eventually" have been sped up on me. i planned to move at some point. i was forced to. i planned to buy a new ipod like next march and give this one to a friend, but now its dead. this is difficult for me. i can't walk around with a cd player. no choices. i like that the shuffler doesn't see anything wrong with putting the casualties after allison krauss. i couldn't do that on my own. but now, listening to my music on my computer, i went from a pennywise cover of minor threat to ben lee to helmet. and i can live for a week on cds. maybe ill just bring ones bought since the ipod. i have many cds where i don't staart singing the next song. i have never listened to them. put them on the computer...to the ipod...done. ill manage.

spending the money on the ipod did kind of change my weekend plans though. but im sure ill find something to keep me occupied. happy friday. waited for this one all week.

subway

2004-09-20T09:13:00.001-04:00

i forgot to charge my ipod all weekend. i usually forget to charge on weekends probably because i can always do it later. then monday morning comes and i can't even make it into work on my battery. so this morning i was a bit more alert than usual, and the escalator ot 59th wasn't working so i wasn't moving as fast. i saw a guy carrying a bowl and spoon in his hand. not in a bag, just like he was ready to take another bite. this cracked me up.

subways were crazy all weekend. friday i tried to go home and they wanted me to go downtown to go uptown. wasn't something i was up for at the late hour. so saturday when it was again late and time to go home, cab it was again. i spent about 50 bucks on cab rides this weekend, which isn't so bad, but i prefer the subway. when i was about 16 i was in a small accident in a cab. so far i have been quite lucky on the subway. cheaper, and doesn't scare me-looks like a plan.

Daytime Fun

2004-09-15T20:13:00.000-04:00

So work lately has been something other than great. my friends all think i have it great because i make a good amount of money. but i don't know how much i would need to be paid to stay in my department for another month. it's that bad. i am blamed for all sorts of strange things even when i forward emails with my boss telling me what to do (wrong) back to him. yet he is first to tell people that i am in error. on and on it goes. luckily i should be out of there soon. but until then, i find that going back to work after lunch is quite difficult. i have bought cookie dough, crayons, taken long walks to nowhere, etc. all to convince myself that i will make it through the afternoon.

but it will be ok soon. please. well, if it doesn't change, i'll look for a new job. because i am way too young to hate what im doing for that much of my time. i think that makes it worse. i sold out. little me would kick my ass. at least i don't wear a suit anymore. maybe it's time for a change anyway. i was hoping to last at this company for at least another year. then i will be in a better career spot where i could work at an entirely different kind of company. i have to study as part of my job, it's a long story, but then i would have reached another level. studying doesn't get done much either though. stressed all day goes more with movies and beer at night...not more stress.

so all day im kind of....annoyed i guess. i think i take it out on the tourists. i wish more people would understand that the sidewalks are more like roads here. you wouldn't just stop short and look around on a highway would ya? at least pull over. and you don't call up all your friends and drive next to each other screaming through the windows. i understand that there are times where the walk on right pass on left doesn't work, but try. for me. don't even get me started on the people handing out flyers. under the scaffolding. we need more obstacles.

Manners

2004-09-15T14:35:00.000-04:00

i cannot be held responsible for my cell phone. i check it whenever in situations where cell phone ringing would be inappropriate...the gym (i leave it in the locker), work, movies, what have you. it seems to have a mind of its own. it randomly changes the setting. i tried to lock it (um locked it without meaning to and couldn't figure out the code to unlock it but whatever) and the ring sound still can change, which is good for when you have no idea how to unlock it and are going into, say, a church with your entire family. well, sometime between leaving the house and now, my phone decided that manner mode (just vibrate) was not proper and silent would be better. so it just started ligting up all fancy-like when mom called. oh well. no harm done.

Neckwear

2004-09-14T13:51:00.000-04:00

I saw a woman on the train with the prettiest necklace. it was simple with these 3 red flowers. I want it. if i see her with it (well, i doubt i would know it was her without it) i will ask her where it is from because i can not find anything similar. i did find pink skull drop earrings that may be perfect for me at tarina tarantino though. they are pretty skulls. pur-fect.

i must have had a rough morning-i bought cookie dough during lunch. no not cookie dough ice cream, a tube of dough. and i just remembered that in high school, my friend and i would walk to 7-11 almost every day and smoke cigarettes (marlboro reds then), eat cookie dough and drink jolt cola. one day we found that the combination was making us ill so we started drinking cola slurpees with a little cherry slurpee on top. in college we (not her and i we, but myself and others) walked to the convenient store with the cheapest smokes and everywhere else. more walking, less calories, more cigarettes, and i gained many pounds. strange.

the high school friend and i went to 7-11 before school for blow pops and jolt. mmmmmm breakfast.

Unpacking?

2004-09-10T09:28:00.000-04:00

i see now that there are many things that i absolutely should try to find in my many many boxes.

like my travel toiletry bottles. sounds completely like something i could do without for a while. not like i'm going anywhere. oh yeah, the gym. and i bought a 16oz conditioner that i'm carrying everywhere. with all of the rest of my "i need this every day" stuff. today i have 2 pairs of sneakers (neither being worn, of course). i don't even pack light to walk out of the house. people always ask me if i am going on vacation. nope, just the gym and work.

and i need to unpack my books so that i can put them in the bottom of my bookshelves to weigh them down and make an imprint on the carpet. cause they fall over. um...i don't remember this when i used to have carpets. these don't seem overly plush. but stuff topples. cant have that.

and although i know exactly where they are (in garbage bags on my floor of course) i need to unpack the rest of my clothes. what do normal people pack clothes/shoes/bags in? i had 20 garbage bags and only like 30 boxes. i guess if the movers didn't think it was strange, it can't be too bad.

oh and silverware maybe. i know the box says silverware, so that shouldn't be too hard. but i plan on going food shopping, take-out usually comes with utensils.

and the coffee maker. and filters. how much shall we wager that they are in different boxes?

not sure about dish soap either.

at least its friday. i can wait on the toiletry bottles until monday. but this coffee thing is getting me down.

Sing Song

2004-09-09T11:31:00.000-04:00

don't know why, but the song mr. tambourine man always calms me down. i think it was the use of it in some sitcom. not sure which one.

i could use a bit of calm right now.

Moving and Little Happys

2004-09-08T11:27:00.000-04:00

the move went well. packing was awful. a few tips:
- ladies: do not pack any nail files. it does not matter how many you think you know where to find. you will break nails and not find a file anywhere.
- buy boxes. if you find boxes, they will suck. liquor store boxes are alright as they are fairly well reinforced. but they are small.
- dont let friends help you pack. i hate packing more than the next person, but your friends will think a room is done but missed your margarita glass salter and an entire cabinet in the bathroom. even if they begged you to let them help you. im not moving again until i can afford packers and movers.
- your friends can come watch you pack. this is good for getting rid of stuff. and conversation. and someone to play the tunes. and when you hit your head on the corner of the open cabinet door.
- get someone to hang out with you while the movers are there. the movers may need water (your glasses are packed) or something. and they'll ask you to get it at a store. and you will need to leave all of your precious belongings along with those you don't care about with people you met that morning.

i have more, i will post them as i remember them.

by the way, my movers were great. if you need a mover, email me and ill give you the info. wasn't too expensive either.

and on to the happys, i had been soaking wet since 7:30 this morning when i exited the apartment. i just sat in front of a heater for about 90 minutes. i am still damp.

but its all ok. because im wearing some urban decay lip gunk (i think its swf) and whenever i wear it i get glitter all over me. its like a party. makes me happy. i amuse easily.

messy

2004-08-30T11:32:00.000-04:00

and i came home in his clothes. nothing happened, but i got to sleep there with him, and he me, and i left in a t shirt that smells of his room -- even if that smells like his dog. i felt bad staying and leaving. staying because he has to work and what if he would sleep better if i were not there. leaving because he can't just say goodbye. he always walks me out. so i tried to sleep. but all i would think about way the staying and the leaving. so eventually i left. no calling you later, no ill see you there. just see you later. so, messy.

The Happy Home

2004-08-27T09:07:00.000-04:00

i went to put a deposit down on my new place last night. i met the guy who lives upstairs and he seems really nice. even offered to help me move. it seems that he and the couple moving out get along well and are friendly. i dont think they even close the inner doors. at my place now, the guy who lives downstairs is afraid of me and still doesn't recognize me after 5 years. so it seems like a very happy place.

so of course after going there i was in a fabulous mood and decided to go out for a drink. well, my local bar was on my way-ish, so i had to, right? nothing too exciting, but i got to watch the yankees win (oh guy upstairs was wearing a yankee hat-at least he'll know why im screaming at the tv) and had some fun. no hangover, even danced around a bit this morning. now once i make it to this evening, i don't have to work until the tuesday after labor day. fun will be had, even with the move. my friend from home said she'd come help me pack one day and bring candy. how sweet.

Still No Fun

2004-08-26T15:54:00.000-04:00

So waking up and writing a post titled "no fun" may not be a good way to start a day...

i even thought id been drinking last night. i had gone to sleep at 10:30, no alcohol, just some frozen yougurt in my system. when i woke up, i was dehydrated, hungry, and could not handle makeup or shoes that do not flip and flop. i stumbled on my way to work. i almost freaked on the train. some guy was screaming his conversation to his buddy. i couldn't see the guy, but i could hear his entire conversation. now, i rarely leave the house without headphones blaring. today was no exception. this guy was LOUD. luckily i was getting off at the next stop. some more stumbling, and a sushi-for-breakfast offering later, i made it to work. with a bagel, thanks, no sushi.

but now it is almost that wonderful time when i get to go home. one more day and then a week + off. much needed.

No fun

2004-08-26T06:23:00.000-04:00

so now comes actual moving. i hired movers because, well, i live on the 3rd floor, have a ton of stuff, and seriously feel that this is exactly why i have a job. to hire people to do the things i don't wanna. one day i will make enough to get people to pack for me. build a bookshelf, i'll do that myself, but move a bookshelf, they have people to do that. so i hired Rabbit Movers. the guy seems nice. i'm trying to move a lot before then so they are just coming for furniture. i mean, its 7 blocks, i can manage some stuff.

i swear i have more to say. just focused right now.

update

2004-08-25T13:12:00.000-04:00

i called again and i got the place...pending credit check, which should go well. yippee!

Firsties

2004-08-25T09:27:00.000-04:00

ok...my first post. no backstory.

i am looking for a new apartment. i saw a place i loved yesterday, shown by the current tenants. was told to give the landlord a call and tell him about myself. called the 2 numbers given, left 2 messages, have not been called back. since about 7 last night. the tenants thought i would be exactly what the landlord wanted. i am financially stable, would live there for years, and am 1 person.

i didn't want to move in the first place. i am being forced out by a hurricane that didn't come close to me. lovely. i hate moving and i have more stuff than any person should. so i want to stay in my general area. i like it here. im happy with it. this place is close to my place now, but nicer. and of course more expensive, but what can you do. and its a block away from 3 of my friends. i'll call the guy again after lunch. tell him im a dream.